Enduring Endearment of Marriage Must Be Based on Biblical Principlies
[By the age of thirty-five we are "middle aged," our youth is from about eighteen to approximately twenty-five.] "The days of our years are threescore years and ten (70 years); and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labor and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away." (Psalms 90:10 KJV Rev)
[Youth should seek to marry:] "Let your fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of your youth. Let her be as the loving deer and graceful doe; let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and be always enraptured with her love. [Stay in a loving relationship with the wife of your youth! Don’t wait until middle age to marry, for Jesus said that the poor will always be with you.] "For you have the poor always with you; but Me you have not always. (Matthew 26:11 KJV Rev)] (Proverbs 5:18-19 KJV Rev)
"Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of the life of your vanity, which He has given you under the sun, all the days of your vanity: for that is your portion in this life, and in your labor which you take under the sun." (Ecclesiastes 9:9 KJV Rev)
"And whatsoever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by Him. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. [Submitting as it pleases the LORD first (no other gods before God Almighty).] "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." [Forgiving each other, with no feigned or real bitterness.] (Colossians 3:17-19 KJV Rev)
"And the Pharisees came to Him, and asked Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife?’ tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ And they said, ‘Moses suffered (allowed) to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.’ And Jesus answered and said unto them, ‘For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.’" [It is God’s intent that a man and woman marry for their physical life – male and female!] "And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he said unto them, ‘Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, commits adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she commits adultery.’" (Mark 10:2-12 KJV Rev)
[Christ said that fornication was the only reason one could choose to "put away" their "spouse."] "He (Christ) said unto them, ‘Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered (allowed) you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery: and whoso marries her which is put away does commit adultery.’" [Spiritual fornication may be a qualifying reason to see couples separated (divorced) due to a lack of love within a married relationship.] (Matthew 19:8-9 KJV Rev)
[Christ let us know that when we choose to look upon and lust after others, we have chosen to commit adultery in our hearts!] "You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Matthew 5:27-28 KJV Rev)
[God allows mankind to reject His truth and will judge them according to their "works."] "Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and four-footed beasts, and creeping things. Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonor their own bodies between themselves: Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them." (Romans 1:22-32 KJV Rev)
[God set forth standards of moral decency to enable a society to prosper and be blessed!] "You shall do my judgments, and keep mine ordinances, to walk therein: I am the LORD your God. You shall therefore keep my statutes, and my judgments: which if a man do, he shall live in them: I am the LORD. None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the LORD. The nakedness of your father, or the nakedness of your mother, shall you not uncover: she is your mother; you shall not uncover her nakedness. The nakedness of your father's wife shall you not uncover: it is your father's nakedness. The nakedness of your sister, the daughter of your father, or daughter of your mother, whether she be born at home, or born abroad, even their nakedness you shall not uncover. The nakedness of your son's daughter, or of your daughter's daughter, even their nakedness you shall not uncover: for theirs is your own nakedness. The nakedness of your father's wife's daughter, begotten of your father, she is your sister, you shall not uncover her nakedness. You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father's sister: she is your father's near kinswoman. You shall not uncover the nakedness of your mother's sister: for she is your mother's near kinswoman. You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father's brother, you shall not approach to his wife: she is your aunt. You shall not uncover the nakedness of your daughter in law: she is your son's wife; you shall not uncover her nakedness. You shall not uncover the nakedness of your brother's wife: it is your brother's nakedness. You shall not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shall you take her son's daughter, or her daughter's daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness. Neither shall you take a wife to her sister, to vex her, to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her life time. Also you shall not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness. Moreover you shall not lie carnally with your neighbor’s wife, to defile yourself with her. And you shall not let any of your seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shall you profane the name of your God: I am the LORD. You shall not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. Neither shall you lie with any beast to defile yourself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion. Defile not you yourselves in any of these things: for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you: And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomits out her inhabitants. You shall therefore keep my statutes and my judgments, and shall not commit any of these abominations; neither any of your own nation, nor any stranger that sojourns among you: (For all these abominations have the men of the land done, which were before you, and the land is defiled;) That the land spew not you out also, when you defile it, as it spewed out the nations that were before you. For whosoever shall commit any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be cut off from among their people. Therefore shall you keep mine ordinance, that you commit not any one of these abominable customs, which were committed before you, and that you defile not yourselves therein: I am the LORD your God." (Leviticus 18:4-30 KJV Rev)
[God wants us, by our proper choice of actions, to separate ourselves from the evil society around us.] "Sanctify yourselves therefore, and be you holy: for I am the LORD your God. And you shall keep my statutes, and do them: I am the LORD which sanctify you. For every one that curses his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him. And the man that commits adultery with another man's wife, even he that commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. And the man that lies with his father's wife hath uncovered his father's nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. And if a man lie with his daughter in law, both of them shall surely be put to death: they have wrought confusion; their blood shall be upon them. If a man also lie with mankind, as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death." [The punishment, time, and place is for God to judge and enforce, not mankind! Because of the New Testament dispensation God delays the death penalty.] "Their blood shall be upon them. And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you. And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and you shall slay the beast. And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, you shall kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. And if a man shall take his sister, his father's daughter, or his mother's daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister's nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity. And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people. And you shall not uncover the nakedness of your mother's sister, nor of your father's sister: for he uncovers his near kin: they shall bear their iniquity. And if a man shall lie with his uncle's wife, he hath uncovered his uncle's nakedness: they shall bear their sin; they shall die childless. And if a man shall take his brother's wife, it is an unclean thing: he hath uncovered his brother's nakedness; they shall be childless. You shall therefore keep all my statutes, and all my judgments, and do them: that the land, whither I bring you to dwell therein, spew you not out. And you shall not walk in the manners of the nation, which I cast out before you: for they committed all these things, and therefore I abhorred them. But I have said unto you, You shall inherit their land, and I will give it unto you to possess it, a land that flows with milk and honey: I am the LORD your God, which have separated you from other people." (Leviticus 20:7-24 KJV Rev)
[We need to be very cautious of the life choices we make or we will not inherit the kingdom of God!] "Know you not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but you are washed, but you are sanctified, but you are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God." (1 Corinthians 6:9-11 KJV Rev)
[God established laws and marriage principles for the good of mankind!] "But we know that the law is good, if a man use it lawfully; Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine." (1 Timothy 1:8-10 KJV Rev)
Having "set the stage" for understanding marriage, let us go forth with wisdom and guidance for direction in achieving happy successful marriages: There are many misconceptions as to what to expect in a marriage relationship. We live in a world that has the false concept that we are due happiness. If life doesn’t happen the way we want it to, then we want to blane others and thus "runaway and escape" from the reality of life! Marriage is the opportunity to develop good character as we learn to love and accept a mate, who has carnal shortcomings, as do we.
The reality is that by "denying self" I can learn how to be the right person for my mate!
- If I marry the "right person" I’ll have a happy marriage:
The reality is that shacking up involves little or no lasting commitment to family values.
- If I "shack up" before marriage, I’ll be prepared for marriage:
The reality is that my level of commitment and communication is most important to an enduring marriage relationship.
- If I’m going to fight, "It is better to get divorced."
The reality is that God wants us to do good to all and we will reap what we sow. There are consequences for sin even if we are forgiven. "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap." (Galatians 6:7 KJV Rev)
- If I make a mistake "God will forgive me."
[I have a right "to be happy."] "Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 5:10 KJV) "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith works patience." (James 1:2-3 KJV)
"There is a way which seems right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death." (Proverbs 14:12 KJV) [A Biblical based life has the best chance of having a successful marriage; but it is not guaranteed:]
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3 KJV) [It is hoped that you and a potential spouse are of the same cultural and religious sect so you will be agreed and of the same doctrine of belief.]
[Specific instruction is given to those who have been called to salvation by God’s spirit and word.] "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother has a wife that believes not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which has an husband that believes not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God has called us to peace. For what know you, O wife, whether you shall save your husband? Or how know you, O man, whether you shall save your wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord has called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches." (1 Corinthians 7:8-17 KJV Rev)
[There is no personal advantage in disobeying God. There is no battle of the sexes. Feminism freed men, not women. Men and women are different both anatomically and mentally-emotionally. Men should lead the marriage. Women should follow the lead of the man who leads in Christ.] "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them." (Genesis 1:27 KJV Rev)
"And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.’" (Genesis 2:18 KJV) [Men and women can get along and help each other!]
Marriage partners are human and as such will commit sin.
Guilt is a fact, shame is a feeling
When we sin will we compensate-cover it up or confess our sin?
Will we withdraw and create walls to "protect ourselves?" and thus cut off our relationships
Confession of our sins and weaknesses is a first step to mending.
Projecting-accusing others is detrimental to resolving problems.
Marriage is challenging; intimacy allows both the good and bad to surface.
Proximity brings problems.
You will either live as a married or "single" couple
Marriage has phases of resolution or institution:
- Attraction - visual notice of each other
- Infatuation illusions - fools love, physical love (eros, Greek)
- Disillusionment - reality perceptions change
- Enrichment - ideal relationships developed
- Maturity - acceptation and appreciation of individuality and uniqueness
[Marriage of people worshiping Almighty God requires submission to one another as husband and wife:] "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourished and cherished it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." (Ephesians 5:21-33 KJV Rev)
[Withholding sexual privileges from your mate is not appropriate except under certain mutual agreed upon reasons.] "Now concerning the things whereof you wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud you not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency (lack of mutual sexual gratification)." (1 Corinthians 7:1-5 KJV Rev)
[The "bottom line" is this marriage is a covenant between man, woman, and God:]
Marriage Takes Three
I once thought marriage took
Just two to make a go,
But now I am convinced
It takes the Lord also.
And not one marriage fails
Where Christ is asked to enter,
As lovers come together
With Jesus at the center.
But marriage seldom thrives,
And homes are incomplete,
Till He is welcomed there
To help avoid defeat.
In homes where Christ is first,
It's obvious to see,
Those unions really work,
For marriage still takes three.
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he does not have another to help him. Again, if two lie together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone? And a man may prevail against him who is alone, yet two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 OOB)
"I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that you walk worthy of the vocation wherewith you are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body, and one Spirit, even as you are called in one hope of your calling; One Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all." (Ephesians 4:1-6 KJV Rev) [Our vocation should be a life’s work of serving God. Marriage is not a hobby.]
Submitting to God negates the false goals of rule, control, and power that some marriages entangle themselves in. Submitting is a voluntary attitude that leads to a good marriage.
Marriages fall into at least three categories:
- Bad marriage-two takers and no givers
- Frustrating marriage-one giver and one taker
- Good marriage-two people living sacrificially by giving totally to each other
Men need to live a sacrificial life for their wife. Marriage is not a contract, but a life-long covenant. Couples need to submit to each other in everything with an on going attitude that respects each other so each feels valued and special.
[Henpecking spouse can make the other to withdrawal and make intimacy too painful:] "A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike." (Pro 27:15 KJV)
[When marriage partners esteem the other spouse better than themselves, love and good works abound!] "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 2:3-5 JKV Rev)
[Men need to ask, "What am I doing to make my wife who she is to be?"] "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." (Proverbs 31:10-12 KJV Rev) [and] "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all." (Proverbs 31:28-29 KJV Rev)
[Spiritually, emotionally, and materially we need to seek God first:] "But seek you first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33 KJV Rev)
"But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel (unbeliever)." (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV Rev) "Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another; Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality. Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one towards another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lies in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord." (Romans 12:9-19 KJV Rev)
[God sets a high standard of conduct for us to attain:] "Be you angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labor, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needs. Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby you are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be you kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:26-32 KJV Rev) [God wants us to not allow differences to remain unsolved, therefore communicate with each other, even if it takes all night!]
Communication can be on several levels:
- Small Talk Clichés
- Factual Reporting the facts
- Opinions/Ideas Ideas & Judgements
- Emotional Feelings Feelings & Emotions
- Deep Insight Open, Truthful, Communication
Very few couples communicate at level five!
[This subject on marriage could go on and on but we need a finish:] "But speak you the things which become sound doctrine: That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becomes holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. In all things showing yourself a pattern of good works: in doctrine showing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you." (Titus 2:1-8 KJV Rev)
[The Old Testament is written for examples and our warning:] "For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope." (Romans 15:4 KJVR); "11Now all these things happened unto them for examples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come. 12Wherefore let him that thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. 13There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it. 14Wherefore, my dearly beloved, flee from idolatry." (1 Corinthians 10:11-14 KJVR)
[Rape and penalties of both betrothed and of an unpromised virgin in the Old Testament:] "25But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die: 26But unto the damsel thou shall do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man rises against his neighbor, and slays him, even so is this matter: 27For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her. 28If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; 29Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days. 30A man shall not take his father's wife, nor discover his father's skirt." (Deuteronomy 22:25-30 KJVR)
[Incest Rape in the Old Testament:] "10And Amnon said unto Tamar, Bring the meat into the chamber, that I may eat of your hand. And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. 11And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister. 12And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not you this folly. 13And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? and as for you, you shall be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray you, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee. 14Howbeit he would not listen unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. 15Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone. 16And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that you did unto me. But he would not listen unto her. 17Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her." (2 Samuel 13:10-17 KJVR)
[Marriage is a test of character and faithfulness. The death penalties are reserved for God in this present day and age as the penalty of death by stoning does not apply in the New Covenant dispensation!]
Marriage - Joy or Sorrow is a Choice
The Road to a Happy or Sorrowful Marriage
Goal is Marriage
Natural setting of real life and family
Training for Marriage
Goal is Romance
Unnatural setting of perpetual recreation
Practice for Divorce
Thoughts Precede Action and Will Either Bring Joy or Sorrow
Positive Thoughts and Actions
Negative Thoughts and Actions
1. Win - Win Thinking
2. Always Listening - Understanding
3. Focusing on Positive
4. Thinking With Godly Wisdom
5. Words – Thoughts of Praise
6. Refreshed Daily With Hope
7. Telling Future Cheerful Hopes
8. Open Co-operative Speech
1. All or Nothing Thinking
2. Always Thinking - Speaking
3. Focusing on Negative
4. Thinking With Your Feelings
5. Guilt Beatings
7. Fortune Telling
8. Mind Reading
Change Your Brain Change Your Body by Daniel G Amen.
1. All or Nothing Thinking: makes you give up on a goal too soon when you make a slip or an error because of human weakness.
2. Always Thinking – or Speaking: is when you speak in absolutes using words like never, always, and every time. Always Thinking is not accurate (for example: it is not realistic that something goes wrong every time) however these thoughts may make you feel powerless.
3. Focusing on Negative: supposing that ten great things might happen during the day, but you only focus on any negative things. Oops!
4. Thinking With Your Feelings: feelings could be just feelings and we don't have to believe every thought that crosses our minds.
5. Guilt Beatings: occur when we overuse words like, "I should have done..., I must stop doing..., I have to give up... Too many of these thoughts cause feelings of guilt and rebellious actions when we do what we should not do.
6. Labeling: calling yourself negative names or think of yourself using negative descriptions like, Fat, Lazy, Disorganized, etc. Subconscious message is why even bother trying to change undesirable behaviors.
7. Fortune Telling: making statements about the future as though they are certain to come true, but they are not certain at all. "I will never make it to work on time" or "I know I will not have lost any weight by spring" are two examples.
8. Mind Reading: has to do with what others think of us. Example would be, "My friend didn't greet me with ‘Hello;’ he must be mad at me." This can lead to a "why try" message of defeat.
9. Blame: when you don't take personal responsibility for your actions. Examples of this thought would be, "My co-workers bring in sweets at work, that's why I cannot stay on my diet and lose weight" or "I forgot to take my medications this morning so I can’t cope with what is happening now." We want to excuse ourselves and feel like we are helpless and have no say in our actions.
Some source from www.chasing-joy.com
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